On a Sunday I bought an overcoat in a large Southern chain store. Sleeves needed to be shortened a tad and the coat would “go to the tailor on Monday. Be ready after four on Thursday.” I could not get back on Thursday and Friday was New Year’s Day so I telephoned to see if the store was open. It was. And the lady answering the phone said she would check on my coat and call me back. Thirty minutes later she called and said the coat was ready to be picked up. “Come to the customer service desk.” I drove to the store and went to the customer service desk. My coat is not there and I have to go down the aisle, turn right and go to another customer service desk. Off I go. At this desk a clerk is closing a sale of three nylon panties to a rather large woman who wants 15% off as promised in some newspaper coupon she presents. That takes another minute or two and my mind wanders as to how this woman would look in those panties. I repress the image and present my claim ticket to the clerk. This is not the customer service desk that handles such and I must go back down to the end of the aisle. At this third customer service desk my ticket is presented again and the clerk disappears into the back room somewhere. Other customers arrive and want to check out but are dismayed to find the customer service desk not staffed. “She will be back in a moment,” I tell them reassuringly. “She went to get my coat.” The clerk returns empty-handed and says maybe it is in a fourth customer service station and she will go there and check. I say that I will do it and she should stay at her work station and help these other customers. (After all we are trying to cooperate with President Obama and get the national economy moving and every little bit helps.) On to number four I go. By now I have almost made a 360 degree sweep of the store. At number four a clerk is finishing up a sale and then he turns to me. I present my ticket and he ponders it for a moment and then reaches over to a large garment in a plastic bag tied in a knot at the bottom (a security measure so shoplifters can’t stick a second item in a bag). The ticket I presented matches the ticket on the bag and off I go with the sound of “Thank you, sir, and Happy New Year” ringing in my ears. I arrive home, hang the bag on a door hook and untie the knot at the bottom. I remove the coat from the plastic bag. I put on a casual sport coat and then don my new overcoat. Look at myself in the mirror and am pleased with the whole effect. After all, I got a greatly reduced price on fine coat. And then the perfect moment is shattered. The coat still has a plastic security (see picture) tag attached. This is supposed to set off an alarm if someone tries to leave the store with such a tag in place. But no alarm went off when I left the store. I examine the tag. It is a rectangular plastic tag on one side and a pin has been inserted through the garment and is secured with a plastic round button like tag on the inside. Tampering with this tag is guaranteed to ruin the garment. I tried to twist and pull the button off at the same time, which sometimes works but not for me. I thought about the problem for a minute or two and then reasoned there have been a lot of people between Adam and Eve and myself so this might not be a new problem. I Googled the question of removing clothing security tags and was shocked to find out dozens and dozens of people have had this stupid problem. There were young girls literally in tears who had prom dresses, men with suits, some who lived out in the New York suburbs and dreaded going back into Manhattan to get the tag removed. One earlier victim suggested wearing the garment with the security tag and starting a new fashion statement. People reported using hammers, flat head screwdrivers and pliers to deal with the problem, some of which resulted in damaging the garment. Another suggested going to a store close to your home and ask them to remove the tag. This approach is iffy because they might not have the correct tool and the explanation process could generate more questions and an extended hassle. So I returned to the store where I bought the coat to have the tag removed by the clerk who gave me the package in the first place. I was not a happy camper, not even when he apologized and informed me that the sales lady who sold me the coat last Sunday was the one who should have removed the tag.
